Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Coming Home....

Life is full of ironies, most of which you don't really catch until you take a step back. Sometimes, the message is in the big picture. My life has changed so much over the last couple of years. I was a daughter, a granddaughter, a wife, a mother, and asundry other roles to varied to mention. Now, all of my elders are gone, my son is grown, and I am single again. I am left to ponder my life, past, present, and future.

When I was young, my focus was always about moving forward; finish school, get a career, get married, start a family. At the same time, I had time to explore myself, be myself. I liked to write. I was a freelance journalist for a while. I liked to workout. I was in a body building contest. I was even a Guardian Angel. Everything was an adventure. I wanted to change the world. I was relatively confident and self-sufficient. I had dreams. Life was challenging, but good.

Somewhere along the way, I lost something. I am still trying to figure out how it happened... I sublimated who I was to meet the needs of those around me, my students, co-workers, family members, and especially those of my husband and son. Things I wanted to do, things I loved, things that made me me, took a back seat and were scheduled around what everyone else was doing and their expectations. Now I am single again, on my own with no obligations, no purpose . I suddenly realized I have no idea what I want to do. I didn't know how redefine myself, my life.

Oddly enough, the Universe has a way of bringing you around to what you need to learn. Maybe that is the greaatest irony of all. It is almost as if the Source must be revisited before you can move on. People from my past have been cropping up left and right; high school classmates, former lovers and friends. They've reminded me of who I was before the roles and expectations took over. The feeling is familiar yet, strange, comforting and awkward at the same time. I am a kid again only better, just older and hopefully a little wiser. It seems I don't have to redefine myself after all. I just have to go back to being who I always was. I just have to come home.

The Spinner weaves
The Weaver Spins
And Laima Dreams

1 comment:

  1. Isn't writing fun. Forces us to dig deep within ourselves so that we don't lie about our true feelings. I enjoy your journeys into your life.