Sunday, March 27, 2011

I Am Not a Barbie Doll...

I am not a Barbie Doll
Not perfect by any means
I don't have to be....
I am a lousy housekeeper
It is not my priority
So many other things to do...
My nails are often dirty
From digging in the dirt
It makes me feel alive…
I don't wear high heals
They hurt my feet,
I can't run in them….

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Pizza My Way….

It's funny how the little things can mean so much and the simplest of things take on such significance. In my case, it was the simple act of ordering a pizza.

I learned early to consider the needs of others. The way I was raised, failure to do so was considered selfish. As a child, I was aware of my parent's work schedules and responsibilities. With a younger sibling, I learned the world did not totally revolve around me. As a teenager, I became aware of other's pain and did not wish to add to it. As a young adult, to make a living, I had to meet the needs of managers and co-workers. As a wife I learned to compromise. As a mother, I learned to put another first.

I became very adept at predicting the likes and dislikes of those closest to me and shape my choices accordingly; Miracle Whip instead of mayo, beef instead of pork, rap over rock. I shaped my schedule to accommodate my family's needs. As a teacher, I catered to the needs of my students. My working out, hobbies, going out with friends etc. took a back seat to what everyone else was doing or needed. It never seemed that big a deal. I wasn't that attached to my likes and dislikes. I simply told myself if it was something I absolutely didn't like, I would take a stand.

Suddenly one day, I woke up and I was on my own. No need to compromise. I could do what I wanted! Woo Hoo!! What I like!! My way!! As I pondered my new reality I was suddenly struck by the fact that I had no idea what I liked anymore. I knew what everyone else liked, favorite colors, collectables, flavors, hobbies. I knew my sons favorite teams, my brother's favorite cartoon characters, my mother's favorite coffee, my grandmother's TV shows and snack food. I knew my co-workers likes and dislikes, even my student's. Whenever I went shopping, things I saw went into categories and mental columns of the perfect gift for so and so and this is something so and so would really like. It was the way I looked at the world- all in terms of other's likes.

The realization took me aback. Somewhere along the way, I lost something. I had no idea where to begin to fix it. I remembered what I used to like. I went back to my old likes and dislikes, but that was 20 years ago. It wasn't the same. I was not the same person. I simply sighed, now what?

Frustrated and overwhelmed, I decided I would take the 'Scarlett O'hara' approach and think about it tomorrow. Besides I was hungry. I decided to order a pizza. Out of habit, I started to order it the way I always had, the way someone else liked it. I caught myself and made a purposeful decision to order something I had never tried before. How could something so simple be so liberating? It was the best pizza I have ever had, sinfully decadent!! From that moment I decided I would try new things, all kinds of things, wonderful things and spend time discovering what I liked and enjoy doing. It's pizza my way.